Hearing Vs. Listening

Hearing versus listening... do you know the difference? The foundation of great relationships and great leadership is great listening. Leaders are listeners as they say. And there is a BIG difference between hearing and listening... anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that firsthand.

According to Jack Canfield in his book, The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, hearing is "simply receiving communication" and listening, truly listening, is "...the art of paying thoughtful attention with a mind toward understanding the complete message being delivered." He goes on to say that "Unlike simply hearing someone's account, listening requires maintaining eye contact, watching the person's body language, asking for clarification, and listening for the unspoken message." Listening, in short, means paying close attention! And for some, paying attention period would be a step in the right direction! You know who you are!

This is exactly why I love studying leadership principles and success philosophy! Because it doesn't just help make you a better entrepreneur! These lessons help you become a better friend, lover, mother, father, teacher... the list goes on and on! Once these lessons seep into your subconscious they are yours forever and they will re-shape your world for the better.

Here is an exercise you can try out that my fiance and I learned in our Preparing for Marriage class. It's call the McDonald's method. Have you ever noticed that when you go to McDonald's and you give them your order, or any fast food restaurant for that matter, they usually read back what you ordered to confirm what they have down is correct? I might say, I'd like a Big Mac--hold the lettuce, small fries--no salt, and a Diet Coke. My cashier will then say, "OK, so that was one Big Mac--hold the lettuce, small fries--no salt, and a Diet Coke, right?" Now I have the opportunity to correct them if they got my order wrong, add to my order, or say that's exactly right. The cashier doesn't get emotional about the exchange if they get the order wrong; they just correct the mistake, reconfirm my order, and life goes on and everyone is happy (everyone except my arteries!).

Take some time to apply this method in your own life. What you can do is sit down with your significant other and tell them that you are going to practice your listening skills with a listening exercise. Ask them to tell you something and then say, "So what I'm hearing you say is...?" Let them tell you yes or no. Pay attention to the "unspokens" as well, meaning body language, eye contact etc.

I used to think I had to be a great conversationalist and I was nervous every time I'd go to events or parties. I was so busy worrying about a lull in the conversation I'd frantically try to create a mental list of things to talk about to keep things going instead of just paying attention to the person that was speaking to me and asking clarifying questions which they would have gladly answered. 1) Because people love talking about themselves (and hearing their own name but that's another lesson) and 2) Because people really do appreciate being heard. I now work on actively listening to the person I'm talking to. When you do so you'll have plenty to talk about! Scout's honor! And you'll be amazed when the person tells you how much they really enjoyed talking to you when all you did was ask a few questions that kept the conversation moving.

Try it out... it works... as long as you were listening!